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The horn, the horn, the lusty horn
Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.

      — As You Like It, Act IV Scene 2

As You Like It

Act V

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Scene 1. The forest

Scene 2. The forest

Scene 3. The forest

Scene 4. The forest

---
       

Act V, Scene 1

The forest

      next scene .
---

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

  • Touchstone. We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.
  • Audrey. Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old 2190
    gentleman's saying.
  • Touchstone. A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile Martext.
    But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to
    you.
  • Audrey. Ay, I know who 'tis; he hath no interest in me in the 2195
    world; here comes the man you mean.

Enter WILLIAM

  • Touchstone. It is meat and drink to me to see a clown. By my troth,
    we that have good wits have much to answer for: we shall be
    flouting; we cannot hold. 2200
  • Audrey. God ye good ev'n, William.
  • William. And good ev'n to you, sir.
  • Touchstone. Good ev'n, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy
    head; nay, prithee be cover'd. How old are you, friend? 2205
  • Touchstone. A fair name. Wast born i' th' forest here?
  • William. Ay, sir, I thank God. 2210
  • Touchstone. 'Thank God.' A good answer.
    Art rich?
  • Touchstone. 'So so' is good, very good, very excellent good; and
    yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise? 2215
  • William. Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.
  • Touchstone. Why, thou say'st well. I do now remember a saying: 'The
    fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be
    a fool.' The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a
    grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth; meaning 2220
    thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do
    love this maid?
  • Touchstone. Then learn this of me: to have is to have; for it is a
    figure in rhetoric that drink, being pour'd out of cup into a
    glass, by filling the one doth empty the other; for all your
    writers do consent that ipse is he; now, you are not ipse, for I
    am he. 2230
  • Touchstone. He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you
    clown, abandon- which is in the vulgar leave- the society- which
    in the boorish is company- of this female- which in the common is
    woman- which together is: abandon the society of this female; or, 2235
    clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest;
    or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into
    death, thy liberty into bondage. I will deal in poison with thee,
    or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction;
    will o'er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and 2240
    fifty ways; therefore tremble and depart.
  • William. God rest you merry, sir. Exit

Enter CORIN

  • Corin. Our master and mistress seeks you; come away, away. 2245
  • Touchstone. Trip, Audrey, trip, Audrey. I attend, I attend.

Exeunt

---
. previous scene      

Act V, Scene 2

The forest

      next scene .
---

Enter ORLANDO and OLIVER

  • Orlando. Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you should
    like her? that but seeing you should love her? and loving woo? 2250
    and, wooing, she should grant? and will you persever to enjoy
    her?
  • Oliver. Neither call the giddiness of it in question, the poverty
    of her, the small acquaintance, my sudden wooing, nor her sudden
    consenting; but say with me, I love Aliena; say with her that she 2255
    loves me; consent with both that we may enjoy each other. It
    shall be to your good; for my father's house and all the revenue
    that was old Sir Rowland's will I estate upon you, and here live
    and die a shepherd.
  • Orlando. You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow. 2260
    Thither will I invite the Duke and all's contented followers. Go
    you and prepare Aliena; for, look you, here comes my Rosalind.

Enter ROSALIND

  • Oliver. And you, fair sister. Exit 2265
  • Rosalind. O, my dear Orlando, how it grieves me to see thee wear
    thy heart in a scarf!
  • Rosalind. I thought thy heart had been wounded with the claws of a
    lion. 2270
  • Orlando. Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a lady.
  • Rosalind. Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited to swoon
    when he show'd me your handkercher?
  • Orlando. Ay, and greater wonders than that.
  • Rosalind. O, I know where you are. Nay, 'tis true. There was never 2275
    any thing so sudden but the fight of two rams and Caesar's
    thrasonical brag of 'I came, saw, and overcame.' For your brother
    and my sister no sooner met but they look'd; no sooner look'd but
    they lov'd; no sooner lov'd but they sigh'd; no sooner sigh'd but
    they ask'd one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but 2280
    they sought the remedy- and in these degrees have they made pair
    of stairs to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else
    be incontinent before marriage. They are in the very wrath of
    love, and they will together. Clubs cannot part them.
  • Orlando. They shall be married to-morrow; and I will bid the Duke 2285
    to the nuptial. But, O, how bitter a thing it is to look into
    happiness through another man's eyes! By so much the more shall I
    to-morrow be at the height of heart-heaviness, by how much I
    shall think my brother happy in having what he wishes for.
  • Rosalind. Why, then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for 2290
    Rosalind?
  • Orlando. I can live no longer by thinking.
  • Rosalind. I will weary you, then, no longer with idle talking. Know
    of me then- for now I speak to some purpose- that I know you are
    a gentleman of good conceit. I speak not this that you should 2295
    bear a good opinion of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you
    are; neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in some
    little measure draw a belief from you, to do yourself good, and
    not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do
    strange things. I have, since I was three year old, convers'd 2300
    with a magician, most profound in his art and yet not damnable.
    If you do love Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries
    it out, when your brother marries Aliena shall you marry her. I
    know into what straits of fortune she is driven; and it is not
    impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set 2305
    her before your eyes to-morrow, human as she is, and without any
    danger.
  • Orlando. Speak'st thou in sober meanings?
  • Rosalind. By my life, I do; which I tender dearly, though I say I
    am a magician. Therefore put you in your best array, bid your 2310
    friends; for if you will be married to-morrow, you shall; and to
    Rosalind, if you will.
    [Enter SILVIUS and PHEBE]
    Look, here comes a lover of mine, and a lover of hers.
  • Phebe. Youth, you have done me much ungentleness 2315
    To show the letter that I writ to you.
  • Rosalind. I care not if I have. It is my study
    To seem despiteful and ungentle to you.
    You are there follow'd by a faithful shepherd;
    Look upon him, love him; he worships you. 2320
  • Phebe. Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.
  • Silvius. It is to be all made of sighs and tears;
    And so am I for Phebe.
  • Phebe. And I for Ganymede.
  • Silvius. It is to be all made of faith and service;
    And so am I for Phebe.
  • Phebe. And I for Ganymede.
  • Silvius. It is to be all made of fantasy,
    All made of passion, and all made of wishes;
    All adoration, duty, and observance,
    All humbleness, all patience, and impatience, 2335
    All purity, all trial, all obedience;
    And so am I for Phebe.
  • Phebe. And so am I for Ganymede.
  • Orlando. And so am I for Rosalind.
  • Rosalind. And so am I for no woman. 2340
  • Phebe. If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
  • Silvius. If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
  • Orlando. If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
  • Rosalind. Why do you speak too, 'Why blame you me to love you?'
  • Orlando. To her that is not here, nor doth not hear. 2345
  • Rosalind. Pray you, no more of this; 'tis like the howling of Irish
    wolves against the moon. [To SILVIUS] I will help you if I can.
    [To PHEBE] I would love you if I could.- To-morrow meet me all
    together. [ To PHEBE ] I will marry you if ever I marry woman,
    and I'll be married to-morrow. [To ORLANDO] I will satisfy you if 2350
    ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married to-morrow. [To
    Silvius]
    I will content you if what pleases you contents you, and
    you shall be married to-morrow. [To ORLANDO] As you love
    Rosalind, meet. [To SILVIUS] As you love Phebe, meet;- and as I
    love no woman, I'll meet. So, fare you well; I have left you 2355
    commands.
  • Silvius. I'll not fail, if I live.
---
. previous scene      

Act V, Scene 3

The forest

      next scene .
---

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

  • Touchstone. To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey; to-morrow will we
    be married.
  • Audrey. I do desire it with all my heart; and I hope it is no
    dishonest desire to desire to be a woman of the world. Here come
    two of the banish'd Duke's pages. 2365

Enter two PAGES

  • Touchstone. By my troth, well met. Come sit, sit, and a song.
  • First Page. Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking, or 2370
    spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the only prologues
    to a bad voice?
  • Second Page. I'faith, i'faith; and both in a tune, like two gipsies
    on a horse.
    SONG. 2375
    It was a lover and his lass,
    With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
    That o'er the green corn-field did pass
    In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,
    When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding. 2380
    Sweet lovers love the spring.
    Between the acres of the rye,
    With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
    These pretty country folks would lie,
    In the spring time, &c. 2385
    This carol they began that hour,
    With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
    How that a life was but a flower,
    In the spring time, &c.
    And therefore take the present time, 2390
    With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
    For love is crowned with the prime,
    In the spring time, &c.
  • Touchstone. Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great
    matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untuneable. 2395
  • First Page. You are deceiv'd, sir; we kept time, we lost not our
    time.
  • Touchstone. By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such
    a foolish song. God buy you; and God mend your voices. Come,
    Audrey. Exeunt 2400
---
. previous scene      

Act V, Scene 4

The forest

       
---

Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA

  • Duke. Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
    Can do all this that he hath promised?
  • Orlando. I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not:
    As those that fear they hope, and know they fear. 2405

Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE

  • Rosalind. Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd:
    You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
    You will bestow her on Orlando here?
  • Duke. That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her. 2410
  • Rosalind. And you say you will have her when I bring her?
  • Orlando. That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
  • Rosalind. You say you'll marry me, if I be willing?
  • Phebe. That will I, should I die the hour after.
  • Rosalind. But if you do refuse to marry me, 2415
    You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?
  • Phebe. So is the bargain.
  • Rosalind. You say that you'll have Phebe, if she will?
  • Silvius. Though to have her and death were both one thing.
  • Rosalind. I have promis'd to make all this matter even. 2420
    Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter;
    You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter;
    Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
    Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd;
    Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her 2425
    If she refuse me; and from hence I go,
    To make these doubts all even.

Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA

  • Duke. I do remember in this shepherd boy
    Some lively touches of my daughter's favour. 2430
  • Orlando. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
    Methought he was a brother to your daughter.
    But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
    And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
    Of many desperate studies by his uncle, 2435
    Whom he reports to be a great magician,
    Obscured in the circle of this forest.

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

  • Jaques (lord). There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are
    coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which 2440
    in all tongues are call'd fools.
  • Jaques (lord). Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded
    gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a
    courtier, he swears. 2445
  • Touchstone. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation.
    I have trod a measure; I have flatt'red a lady; I have been
    politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone
    three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought
    one. 2450
  • Touchstone. Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the
    seventh cause.
  • Jaques (lord). How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.
  • Duke. I like him very well. 2455
  • Touchstone. God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in
    here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear
    and to forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A
    poor virgin, sir, an ill-favour'd thing, sir, but mine own; a
    poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that man else will. Rich 2460
    honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl
    in your foul oyster.
  • Duke. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
  • Touchstone. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet
    diseases. 2465
  • Jaques (lord). But, for the seventh cause: how did you find the quarrel on
    the seventh cause?
  • Touchstone. Upon a lie seven times removed- bear your body more
    seeming, Audrey- as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain
    courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not 2470
    cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is call'd the Retort
    Courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would
    send me word he cut it to please himself. This is call'd the Quip
    Modest. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment.
    This is call'd the Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut, 2475
    he would answer I spake not true. This is call'd the Reproof
    Valiant. If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This
    is call'd the Countercheck Quarrelsome. And so to the Lie
    Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
  • Jaques (lord). And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut? 2480
  • Touchstone. I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor
    he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measur'd swords
    and parted.
  • Jaques (lord). Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
  • Touchstone. O, sir, we quarrel in print by the book, as you have 2485
    books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first,
    the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the
    Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
    Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance;
    the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie 2490
    Direct; and you may avoid that too with an If. I knew when seven
    justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were
    met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as: 'If you
    said so, then I said so.' And they shook hands, and swore
    brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If. 2495
  • Jaques (lord). Is not this a rare fellow, my lord?
    He's as good at any thing, and yet a fool.
  • Duke. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the
    presentation of that he shoots his wit.
    [Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA. Still MUSIC] 2500
    HYMEN. Then is there mirth in heaven,
    When earthly things made even
    Atone together.
    Good Duke, receive thy daughter;
    Hymen from heaven brought her, 2505
    Yea, brought her hither,
    That thou mightst join her hand with his,
    Whose heart within his bosom is.
  • Rosalind. [To DUKE] To you I give myself, for I am yours.
    [To ORLANDO] To you I give myself, for I am yours. 2510
  • Duke. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
  • Orlando. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
  • Phebe. If sight and shape be true,
    Why then, my love adieu!
  • Rosalind. I'll have no father, if you be not he; 2515
    I'll have no husband, if you be not he;
    Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
  • Hymen. Peace, ho! I bar confusion;
    'Tis I must make conclusion
    Of these most strange events. 2520
    Here's eight that must take hands
    To join in Hymen's bands,
    If truth holds true contents.
    You and you no cross shall part;
    You and you are heart in heart; 2525
    You to his love must accord,
    Or have a woman to your lord;
    You and you are sure together,
    As the winter to foul weather.
    Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing, 2530
    Feed yourselves with questioning,
    That reason wonder may diminish,
    How thus we met, and these things finish.
    SONG
    Wedding is great Juno's crown; 2535
    O blessed bond of board and bed!
    'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
    High wedlock then be honoured.
    Honour, high honour, and renown,
    To Hymen, god of every town! 2540
  • Duke. O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
    Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.
  • Phebe. I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
    Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
    Enter JAQUES DE BOYS 2545
  • Jaques (son). Let me have audience for a word or two.
    I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
    That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
    Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
    Men of great worth resorted to this forest, 2550
    Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
    In his own conduct, purposely to take
    His brother here, and put him to the sword;
    And to the skirts of this wild wood he came,
    Where, meeting with an old religious man, 2555
    After some question with him, was converted
    Both from his enterprise and from the world;
    His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
    And all their lands restor'd to them again
    That were with him exil'd. This to be true 2560
    I do engage my life.
  • Duke. Welcome, young man.
    Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
    To one, his lands withheld; and to the other,
    A land itself at large, a potent dukedom. 2565
    First, in this forest let us do those ends
    That here were well begun and well begot;
    And after, every of this happy number,
    That have endur'd shrewd days and nights with us,
    Shall share the good of our returned fortune, 2570
    According to the measure of their states.
    Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity,
    And fall into our rustic revelry.
    Play, music; and you brides and bridegrooms all,
    With measure heap'd in joy, to th' measures fall. 2575
  • Jaques (lord). Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
    The Duke hath put on a religious life,
    And thrown into neglect the pompous court.
  • Jaques (lord). To him will I. Out of these convertites 2580
    There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.
    [To DUKE] You to your former honour I bequeath;
    Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.
    [To ORLANDO] You to a love that your true faith doth merit;
    [To OLIVER] You to your land, and love, and great allies 2585
    [To SILVIUS] You to a long and well-deserved bed;
    [To TOUCHSTONE] And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
    Is but for two months victuall'd.- So to your pleasures;
    I am for other than for dancing measures.
  • Duke. Stay, Jaques, stay. 2590
  • Jaques (lord). To see no pastime I. What you would have
    I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave. Exit
  • Duke. Proceed, proceed. We will begin these rites,
    As we do trust they'll end, in true delights. [A dance] Exeunt EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE.

  • Rosalind. It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue; but
    it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it
    be true that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play
    needs no epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes; and
    good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a 2600
    case am I in then, that am neither a good epilogue, nor cannot
    insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
    furnish'd like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My
    way is to conjure you; and I'll begin with the women. I charge
    you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of 2605
    this play as please you; and I charge you, O men, for the love
    you bear to women- as I perceive by your simp'ring none of you
    hates them- that between you and the women the play may please.
    If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that
    pleas'd me, complexions that lik'd me, and breaths that I defied 2610
    not; and, I am sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces,
    or sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy,
    bid me farewell.

THE END

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