Open Source Shakespeare

The Merry Wives of Windsor

Act I

Scene 1. Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.

Scene 2. The same.

Scene 3. A room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 4. A room in DOCTOR CAIUS’ house.

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Act I, Scene 1

Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.

       

[Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

  • Robert Shallow. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
    chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
    Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
  • Slender. In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and 5
    'Coram.'
  • Robert Shallow. Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.
  • Slender. Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
    master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
    bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.' 10
  • Robert Shallow. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
    hundred years.
  • Slender. All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
    all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
    give the dozen white luces in their coat. 15
  • Robert Shallow. It is an old coat.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
    it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
    man, and signifies love.
  • Robert Shallow. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. 20
  • Slender. I may quarter, coz.
  • Robert Shallow. You may, by marrying.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
  • Robert Shallow. Not a whit.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, 25
    there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
    simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
    John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
    you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
    benevolence to make atonements and compremises 30
    between you.
  • Robert Shallow. The council shall bear it; it is a riot.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
    fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
    desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a 35
    riot; take your vizaments in that.
  • Robert Shallow. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
    should end it.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
    and there is also another device in my prain, which 40
    peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
    is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
    Page, which is pretty virginity.
  • Slender. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
    small like a woman. 45
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
    you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
    and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
    death's-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
    —give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years 50
    old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
    and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
    Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
  • Slender. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. 55
  • Slender. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
  • Robert Shallow. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
    despise one that is false, or as I despise one that 60
    is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
    beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
    peat the door for Master Page.
    [Knocks]
    What, hoa! Got pless your house here! 65
  • Page. [Within] Who's there?

[Enter PAGE]

  • Sir Hugh Evans. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
    Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
    peradventures shall tell you another tale, if 70
    matters grow to your likings.
  • Page. I am glad to see your worships well.
    I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
  • Robert Shallow. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
    your good heart! I wished your venison better; it 75
    was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I
    thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
  • Page. Sir, I thank you.
  • Robert Shallow. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
  • Page. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. 80
  • Slender. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
    was outrun on Cotsall.
  • Page. It could not be judged, sir.
  • Slender. You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
  • Robert Shallow. That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault; 85
    'tis a good dog.
  • Page. A cur, sir.
  • Robert Shallow. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
    more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
    Falstaff here? 90
  • Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
    office between you.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
  • Robert Shallow. He hath wronged me, Master Page.
  • Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. 95
  • Robert Shallow. If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
    so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
    hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
    Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
  • Page. Here comes Sir John. 100

[Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL]

  • Falstaff. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?
  • Robert Shallow. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
    broke open my lodge.
  • Falstaff. But not kissed your keeper's daughter? 105
  • Robert Shallow. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
  • Falstaff. I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
    That is now answered.
  • Robert Shallow. The council shall know this.
  • Falstaff. 'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: 110
    you'll be laughed at.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
  • Falstaff. Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
    head: what matter have you against me?
  • Slender. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; 115
    and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
    Nym, and Pistol.
  • Bardolph. You Banbury cheese!
  • Slender. Ay, it is no matter.
  • Pistol. How now, Mephostophilus! 120
  • Slender. Ay, it is no matter.
  • Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.
  • Slender. Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
    three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that 125
    is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
    myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
    lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
  • Page. We three, to hear it and end it between them.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note- 130
    book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
    as great discreetly as we can.
  • Falstaff. Pistol!
  • Pistol. He hears with ears.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He 135
    hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.
  • Falstaff. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
  • Slender. Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
    never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
    seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward 140
    shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
    pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
  • Falstaff. Is this true, Pistol?
  • Sir Hugh Evans. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
  • Pistol. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine, 145
    I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
    Word of denial in thy labras here!
    Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
  • Slender. By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
  • Nym. Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say 150
    'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
    humour on me; that is the very note of it.
  • Slender. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
    though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
    drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. 155
  • Falstaff. What say you, Scarlet and John?
  • Bardolph. Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
    himself out of his five sentences.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
  • Bardolph. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and 160
    so conclusions passed the careires.
  • Slender. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
    matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
    but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
    if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have 165
    the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
  • Falstaff. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
    [Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD]
    and MISTRESS PAGE, following] 170
  • Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.

[Exit ANNE PAGE]

  • Slender. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
  • Page. How now, Mistress Ford!
  • Falstaff. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: 175
    by your leave, good mistress.

[Kisses her]

  • Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
    hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
    we shall drink down all unkindness. 180

[Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

  • Slender. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
    Songs and Sonnets here.
    [Enter SIMPLE]
    How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait 185
    on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
    about you, have you?
  • Simple. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
    Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
    afore Michaelmas? 190
  • Robert Shallow. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
    you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
    tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
    here. Do you understand me?
  • Slender. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, 195
    I shall do that that is reason.
  • Robert Shallow. Nay, but understand me.
  • Slender. So I do, sir.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
    description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. 200
  • Slender. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
    you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
    country, simple though I stand here.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. But that is not the question: the question is
    concerning your marriage. 205
  • Robert Shallow. Ay, there's the point, sir.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
  • Slender. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
    reasonable demands.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to 210
    know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
    philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
    mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
    good will to the maid?
  • Robert Shallow. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? 215
  • Slender. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
    would do reason.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
    possitable, if you can carry her your desires
    towards her. 220
  • Robert Shallow. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
  • Slender. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
    request, cousin, in any reason.
  • Robert Shallow. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
    is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid? 225
  • Slender. I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
    be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
    decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
    married and have more occasion to know one another;
    I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: 230
    but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
    I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
    the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
    meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good. 235
  • Robert Shallow. Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
  • Slender. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
  • Robert Shallow. Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
    [Re-enter ANNE PAGE]
    Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne! 240
  • Anne Page. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
    worships' company.
  • Robert Shallow. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

[Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS]

  • Anne Page. Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
  • Slender. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
  • Anne Page. The dinner attends you, sir.
  • Slender. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
    sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my 250
    cousin Shallow.
    [Exit SIMPLE]
    A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
    friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
    yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I 255
    live like a poor gentleman born.
  • Anne Page. I may not go in without your worship: they will not
    sit till you come.
  • Slender. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
    though I did. 260
  • Anne Page. I pray you, sir, walk in.
  • Slender. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
    my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
    dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
    dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot 265
    abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
    dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?
  • Anne Page. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
  • Slender. I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
    it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see 270
    the bear loose, are you not?
  • Anne Page. Ay, indeed, sir.
  • Slender. That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
    Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
    the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so 275
    cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
    indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
    rough things.

[Re-enter PAGE]

  • Page. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you. 280
  • Slender. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
  • Page. By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.
  • Slender. Nay, pray you, lead the way.
  • Page. Come on, sir.
  • Slender. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. 285
  • Anne Page. Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
  • Slender. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
    You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

[Exeunt]


       

Act I, Scene 2

The same.

       

[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]

  • Sir Hugh Evans. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which
    is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
    which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
    nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and
    his wringer. 295
  • Simple. Well, sir.
  • Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it
    is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with
    Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire
    and require her to solicit your master's desires to 300
    Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will
    make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.

[Exeunt]


       

Act I, Scene 3

A room in the Garter Inn.

       

[Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL,] [p]and ROBIN]

  • Falstaff. Mine host of the Garter!
  • Host. What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.
  • Falstaff. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
    followers.
  • Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. 310
  • Falstaff. I sit at ten pounds a week.
  • Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I
    will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall
    tap: said I well, bully Hector?
  • Falstaff. Do so, good mine host. 315
  • Host. I have spoke; let him follow.
    [To BARDOLPH]
    Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.

[Exit]

  • Falstaff. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade: 320
    an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered
    serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
  • Bardolph. It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.
  • Pistol. O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?

[Exit BARDOLPH]

  • Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?
  • Falstaff. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his
    thefts were too open; his filching was like an
    unskilful singer; he kept not time.
  • Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest. 330
  • Pistol. 'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico
    for the phrase!
  • Falstaff. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
  • Pistol. Why, then, let kibes ensue.
  • Falstaff. There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift. 335
  • Pistol. Young ravens must have food.
  • Falstaff. Which of you know Ford of this town?
  • Pistol. I ken the wight: he is of substance good.
  • Falstaff. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
  • Pistol. Two yards, and more. 340
  • Falstaff. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two
    yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about
    thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's
    wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
    she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I 345
    can construe the action of her familiar style; and
    the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
    rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
  • Pistol. He hath studied her will, and translated her will,
    out of honesty into English. 350
  • Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?
  • Falstaff. Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her
    husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.
  • Pistol. As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.
  • Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. 355
  • Falstaff. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
    another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
    eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious
    oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my
    foot, sometimes my portly belly. 360
  • Pistol. Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
  • Nym. I thank thee for that humour.
  • Falstaff. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a
    greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
    seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's 365
    another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
    is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will
    be cheater to them both, and they shall be
    exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
    Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou 370
    this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
    Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
  • Pistol. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
    And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
  • Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the 375
    humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.
  • Falstaff. [To ROBIN] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
    Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
    Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;
    Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack! 380
    Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
    French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.

[Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN]

  • Pistol. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
    And high and low beguiles the rich and poor: 385
    Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
    Base Phrygian Turk!
  • Nym. I have operations which be humours of revenge.
  • Pistol. Wilt thou revenge?
  • Nym. By welkin and her star! 390
  • Pistol. With wit or steel?
  • Nym. With both the humours, I:
    I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
  • Pistol. And I to Ford shall eke unfold
    How Falstaff, varlet vile, 395
    His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
    And his soft couch defile.
  • Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to
    deal with poison; I will possess him with
    yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous: 400
    that is my true humour.
  • Pistol. Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.

[Exeunt]


       

Act I, Scene 4

A room in DOCTOR CAIUS’ house.

       

[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY]

  • Hostess Quickly. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, 405
    and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
    Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
    body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
    God's patience and the king's English.
  • Rugby. I'll go watch. 410
  • Hostess Quickly. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
    faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
    [Exit RUGBY]
    An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
    shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no 415
    tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
    that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
    that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
    that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
  • Simple. Ay, for fault of a better. 420
  • Hostess Quickly. And Master Slender's your master?
  • Simple. Ay, forsooth.
  • Hostess Quickly. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
    glover's paring-knife?
  • Simple. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a 425
    little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.
  • Hostess Quickly. A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
  • Simple. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
    as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
    with a warrener. 430
  • Hostess Quickly. How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
    hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
  • Simple. Yes, indeed, does he.
  • Hostess Quickly. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
    Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your 435
    master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

[Re-enter RUGBY]

  • Rugby. Out, alas! here comes my master.
  • Hostess Quickly. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
    go into this closet: he will not stay long. 440
    [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]
    What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
    Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
    he be not well, that he comes not home.
    [Singing] 445
    And down, down, adown-a, &c.

[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

  • Doctor Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
    go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
    a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. 450
  • Hostess Quickly. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
    [Aside]
    I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
    the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
  • Doctor Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je 455
    m'en vais a la cour—la grande affaire.
  • Hostess Quickly. Is it this, sir?
  • Doctor Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
    is dat knave Rugby?
  • Hostess Quickly. What, John Rugby! John! 460
  • Rugby. Here, sir!
  • Doctor Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
    take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
  • Rugby. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
  • Doctor Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me! 465
    Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
    dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
  • Hostess Quickly. Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!
  • Doctor Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!
    [Pulling SIMPLE out] 470
    Rugby, my rapier!
  • Hostess Quickly. Good master, be content.
  • Doctor Caius. Wherefore shall I be content-a?
  • Hostess Quickly. The young man is an honest man.
  • Doctor Caius. What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is 475
    no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
  • Hostess Quickly. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
    of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
  • Doctor Caius. Vell.
  • Simple. Ay, forsooth; to desire her to— 480
  • Hostess Quickly. Peace, I pray you.
  • Doctor Caius. Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
  • Simple. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
    speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
    master in the way of marriage. 485
  • Hostess Quickly. This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
    finger in the fire, and need not.
  • Doctor Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
    Tarry you a little-a while.

[Writes]

  • Hostess Quickly. [Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he
    had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
    so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
    man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
    the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my 495
    master,—I may call him my master, look you, for I
    keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
    scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
    all myself,—
  • Simple. [Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge to 500
    come under one body's hand.
  • Hostess Quickly. [Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? you
    shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
    and down late; but notwithstanding,—to tell you in
    your ear; I would have no words of it,—my master 505
    himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
    notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,—that's
    neither here nor there.
  • Doctor Caius. You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
    gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee 510
    park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
    to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
    you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
    stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
    at his dog: 515

[Exit SIMPLE]

  • Hostess Quickly. Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
  • Doctor Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
    dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
    vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine 520
    host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
    will myself have Anne Page.
  • Hostess Quickly. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
    must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
  • Doctor Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have 525
    not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
    door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]

  • Hostess Quickly. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
    know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor 530
    knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
    than I do with her, I thank heaven.
  • Fenton. [Within] Who's within there? ho!
  • Hostess Quickly. Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.

[Enter FENTON]

  • Fenton. How now, good woman? how dost thou?
  • Hostess Quickly. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.
  • Fenton. What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
  • Hostess Quickly. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
    gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you 540
    that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
  • Fenton. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?
  • Hostess Quickly. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
    notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
    book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart 545
    above your eye?
  • Fenton. Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
  • Hostess Quickly. Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
    another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
    broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I 550
    shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
    indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
    musing: but for you—well, go to.
  • Fenton. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
    for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if 555
    thou seest her before me, commend me.
  • Hostess Quickly. Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
    worship more of the wart the next time we have
    confidence; and of other wooers.
  • Fenton. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. 560
  • Hostess Quickly. Farewell to your worship.
    [Exit FENTON]
    Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
    for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
    upon't! what have I forgot? 565

[Exit]